WILD PAIN

“I wish you rot in jail”

I screamed right into his face with a wide smirk plastered on my face. He stopped in his tracks, looked at me and I saw different emotions flash through his eyes for a split second.

Regret•Pity•Anger•Remorse•Pain

He muttered something under his breath and I could swore I heard him say “I'm sorry” and at that moment, I could feel the tears building up but I fought it back. I won't give him that privilege of seeing me this way. I stood emotionless and watched as two policemen lead him out of the courtroom into the Black Maria and they drove off.

I stood there lost in thought, watching the Black Maria until it was out of sight. I was supposed to be happy and fulfilled that I finally got justice but no, I don't feel happy and I don't feel sad either. I just feel indifferent.

"Why the long face B? Aren't we supposed to be celebrating our wins? We finally got justice after 3 years! We're supposed to be somewhere popping champagne. This is what you've wanted all these years and God just granted your request so why are you moody?"

That was my BFF. Kambili and has been best friends for 12 years now. We clicked during our first year in the renowned Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka.

Kambili was the social butterfly who vibed with everyone no matter their class and background while I was the typical bookworm who had no social life asides school.

Kambili and I practically did everything together while in uni. She had my back and I had hers too, we mingled like twins from the same mother, our friendship wasn't news to almost everyone in school back then. At some point, there were rumours all over campus that we were Lovers disguising as friends.

When we graduated, she made sure that we did our NYSC in the same region. Kambili wasn't just my friend, she was my soul sister.

We got a job immediately after our youth service.

Our jobs was the only thing that could separate us. While I retained my job at the same bank where I did my youth service in Lagos, Kambili had to relocate to Abuja to help manage her mum's multimillion naira business. Her departure was a very emotional one for us but we also knew this was going to happen either ways.

We kept in contact via texts and video calls and even though it wasn't the same, it felt good to see her cheeky smiles at least 3 times a week.

Exactly 4 months after Kambili moved to Abuja, I met this very handsome young man whom I considered my knight in shining armor.

"How did you say you met this Fred guy again?"

Kambili asked for the hundredth time in 5 mins during one of our video calls. She was yet to come to terms with the fact that I fell in love with a total stranger in just few days.

"C'mon Kambili! Are we still here? Fred is a really nice guy, one of the best actually. He has proven to me in just few days that not all men are scum. I really like him, as a matter of fact, I'm beginning to see a future with him. Y'know Him, me and our 4 beautiful kids" I said with a wide smile.

Strange how I've developed such soft spot for someone I barely even know. I've known Fred for just 6 days and I've grown so fond of him.

"I don't know B but there's something off about this guy! Ever since you showed me his picture, my mind has not been at rest, just wish I can pinpoint what it actually is but I'm not comfortable with this whole arrangement. The way you're allowing yourself fall so deeply for him, it's going so fast and it's kinda disastrous. The fact that you're already planning a future with this guy is scary! Please calm down and thread cautiously B. I love you so much and I honestly do not want anything bad to happen to you"

Kambili went on for 15 minutes, giving me one thousand and one reasons why I should be careful of Fred but I assured her that she was just being paranoid and scared that my attention would be divided between her and Fred.

After what seemed like forever, seeing how adamant I was and knowing how I usually am when it comes to matters of the heart, she hesitantly gave up.

"Meanwhile, I met this cute guy at the mall today"...

I rolled my eyes in disbelief

"Kambili! This is like the 7th guy you're meeting in just 2 months. What about that Jerry guy you met barely 2 weeks ago? Don't tell me you've dumped him too" I shouted in disbelief.

"Oh that one? He's not all that like I initially thought. He's just a fine face with absolutely no sense. His chapter has been closed, let's talk about important people abeg”

Did I mention that Kambili is the female version of King Solomon? This babe changes men every week! Way back from our uni days, she was the cynosure of all eyes, men and women alike would do anything to be in her good book up till this very moment. She likes the attention she gets from men so she gets hooked with this particular guy today and dismiss him tomorrow. This is who she is.

Since we became best friends, I've never seen this babe in a stable relationship. The only stable relationship she has maintained for 7 years now is the friendship between the both of us.

"At this rate, I'm convinced that your village people is on your case. Open your heart to love, Allow yourself to be loved properly...”

"I'm living my best life B, at least I'm not falling heads over heel for a man I met barely 6 days ago"

Ok she won! That was a harsh but subtle way of cutting off the long sermon that I was about to give her about Love

We bid our goodbyes after one long hour of sharing how our week went.

"Think about what I told you B. I still maintain that there's something about that Fred guy. You know I'm street smart while you know nothing else asides book and your job. Be careful B"

Before I could say anything, she blew me a kiss and hanged up.

My relationship with Fred blossomed into something very beautiful. He gave me utmost attention, treated me with maximum respect, made me feel like the most important person in his life and in just 3 weeks, he gave me the world in my palms. The princess treatment was out of this world that when he proposed to me 4 weeks later on a bended knee in one of my favorite places, I stretched out my ring finger without a second thought.

That night was one of my best nights. I was getting married to the absolute love of my life. I was the happiest woman on planet earth.

Our wedding was set for one month later and after 3 weeks of hesitantly planning with me, I got a call from Kambili one fateful Tuesday evening "You can't marry him B! He's not who you really think he is”

“What do you mean Kay? What are you talking about?"

I asked with a confused look on my face.

"I'll call you back B. I have something very urgent to attend to right now. Will call you once I'm done. Take care" she said and hurriedly hanged up.

I was thrown into a state of confusion. My heart was beating so fast that I almost had a panic attack. So many questions was running through my mind. What does Kay know that I didn't know? Why has she been disapproving my relationship with Fred and now she says I can't marry him?

What does she mean by Fred isn't who I think he is? What's going on. So many unanswered questions and since Kambili wasn't available for the moment to provide answers that I desperately seek, then I'd have to find out from the horse's mouth. So off I went to Fred's apartment.

"Babe, we're getting married in the next one week and this automatically means that we're going to be spending the remaining part of our lives together. Is there something you think I should know?"

I asked Fred once I settled in. He gave me this inquisitive look mixed with confusion and surprise. Then it appeared something suddenly hit him and he went pale for a second but regained his composure almost immediately.

“What is the problem baby? Has anyone been feeding you with lies and gossips?" He finally found his voice after few minutes.

After few minutes of trying to convince him that nothing was wrong, I just wanted us to share stories from our past that we think our partners should know so as to prevent them from hearing it from an external source. He got up from the couch and turned his back on me.

"Well, I used to be married to this Lady named Mel. She cheated on me and ended up running away with her Lover. Ever since then, I haven't been myself, I've been having trust issues. Never looked at any other woman till I met you”

He turned around, came to where I was seated and held my hands in the most compassionate way.

"Ever since I met you Bee, my life has never been the same again. Right from the very first day I met you in that supermarket, I knew you were the one for me. Everything about you seem so right, you mesmerize me in the craziest of ways, never been into a woman this way. I love you so much it hurts. Please promise me you won't break my heart Bee"

These words were so deep that I felt it in my bones. If I loved this man 80% before, I love him 101% now. He's so perfect, so peaceful, he knows the right words to say at the right time. He's just so perfect, life without him would be complete misery.

I went home after 2 rounds of hot steamy sex and promises that we'd never let go of each other till we take our last breath.

When Kambili called the following day, I told her I already knew what she wanted to tell me and that the fact that Fred is a divorcee isn't enough reason not to marry him. People get separated from their partners and meet new people, the most important thing is that we are in love...every other thing is secondary.

"You don't get it do you??! This guy is an abuser, a complete narcissist! This guy literally turned his wife into a walking corpse. You're too fragile B and knowing you, you can't put up with this guy, he'll break you. Please reconsider, I beg of you”

"Look Kay, I do not know what you heard or from where you heard but Fred never abused his wife. As a matter of fact, she cheated and finally eloped with her Lover. I know you do not like Fred but please, don't paint him black!

...Fred is every woman's dream man and I ain't sacrificing what we share on the alter of gossip, lies and hearsays"

"B please listen..."

"Kay please stop! I've had enough already. You've made it clear that you do not like Fred from the onset and that's okay but I've made my choice and I'm sticking by it. It's either you're happy for me or you're not…

My marriage is in 5 days and I expect my best friend to be here with me putting things together, not giving me 1001 reasons why I shouldn't marry the man of my dreams because she simply doesn't like him"

I could hear her heave a sigh of frustration laced with sadness from the other end. "Whatever you say Bee, whatever you say, as long as you're happy"

"So get your lazy ass over here tomorrow sis. We have lots of planning and catching up to do" I smiled cheekily.

"As you wish her royal majesty" she retorted playfully

The following day had Kambili flying into Lagos from Abuja in preparations for my wedding in 4 days.

The wedding finally happened and everyone including my bestie went back to their base. I was happy, I was fulfilled, I was glowing.

Our first 2 months of marriage was filled with so much bliss, joy and laughter. Fred treated me like a queen, gave me so much love and attention that I kept singing his praises to anyone who cared to listen. He was so perfect!

Then came the third month, the month when my woes began. On this fateful Thursday evening, we were relaxing on the couch watching a movie after having dinner, my head resting on his chest.

"Babe I want you to quit your job" Fred said out of the blues.

"Huh?" I finally found my voice after few minutes.

"Yeah, I want you to quit your job. I'm not comfortable with the fact that you leave the house with me every morning and come back at night. I'm the man of the house and it's my responsibility to work and provide for the both of us and our future kids and I do not need your help. Secondly, the fact that I constantly have to eat out everyday during lunch when I have a wife bothers me so much. Almost all my married colleagues comes to work everyday with a lunchbox packed by their wives. Mine shouldn't be different"

"Babe but you know I can't quit my job. I've had this job way before we met and you didn't have an issue with it, why this sudden switch?"

"Yes you had the job before we met and I'm asking you to stop now! This isn't up for debate Bee. I'm your husband and anything I say stands"

He said in an extremely harsh tone, then he pushed my head away aggressively, got up from the couch and stormed out of the living room.

I sat motionless for minutes . What just happened? Why is Fred so angry? I've never seen him this way since we've been together. What did I do wrong? What did I say wrong to get him this angry?

I was still lost in thought when he walked past me to the door. I looked at the clock, it was 9:18 PM.

"Babe where are you off to by this time of the night?"

"None of your fuckin’ business lady” and off he went.

For the past one week, Fred and I has been living like total strangers. He leaves for work before me and comes home very late at night. He doesn't call nor text neither does he bother to return my calls and text messages.

In just one week, I became a shadow of myself. How can you live in a house with someone you care about so much and you guys aren't talking? I became emotionally drained and I lost interest in everything I once cared about.

Eight days later and Fred still won't pay attention to me. I had enough so I decided to take the bull by the horns. It was now or never! On this day, I waited up for him till he came home around 12:14 AM.

"What is my offense Fred? Where did I go wrong? If there was something that I did unknowingly, don't you think you've punished me enough? This wasn't the promise we made to each other, why are you treating me this way? Tell me what I did wrong and I'll do my best to make things right but stop giving me this silent treatment, please Fred"

I pleaded with tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Until you're ready to quit your job and be the kinda wife that I want you to be, we ain't having this discussion. Until then, please keep to yourself as I won't be swayed by those crocodile tears"

He replied in a cold voice. I was speechless, I stood motionlessness, the tears flowed endlessly.

The following morning, he left before I woke up. I woke up feeling weak from crying so much the previous night. My eyes hurt and my body was aching so badly so I called in sick at work. I spent my entire day trying to choose between losing a job that pays my bills and losing the absolute love of my life.

"I will resign from my job" I blurted out immediately he walked into the room later that night

He stopped in his tracks immediately and turned around facing me.

"What did you say?" He finally found his voice, a little smile appearing on the side of his lips.

"If this is what would make you happy and restore what we both share, then so be it. I'll quit"

"Yassss!" He hugged and kissed me fiercely. Oh how I missed this. The warm hugs, the passionate kisses, his masculine scent, everything.

"I love you Bee and I promise to make you happy for the rest of your life" he said while staring so passionately at me. I'm sorry for the way I treated you this past week, I didn't mean to…I was just trying to make you see reasons with me.

Before I could utter a word, he planted a kiss on my lips, he kissed me with so much passion and hunger that I had never experienced before and I swiftly returned the energy. That night, we made passionate love and every worry and doubt I had about this man was gone with the wind.

Months went by and I was jobless, sitting home all day and being the perfect wife to my husband.

Kambili has refused to understand why I would quit my job for no reason at all.

"I don't know what this guy has done to you B but this isn't you. You're too smart and brilliant to be reduced to a mere jobless housewife. Staying at home with all your qualifications because your husband says so still won't make sense to me in a thousand years to come. I won't even try to convince you anymore because when it comes to this your Fred, you literally listen to no one. But just know that I'm not happy with this particular choice of yours and I'm really concerned about you"

Despite Kambili's attempt to make me see reasons with her, all advise and pleas fell on deaf ears.

She was right when she said I’m always senseless when it comes to Fred. If he asked me to jump, I'd ask how high? I was madly in love with this man.

Four months into the marriage, I got pregnant. My joy knew no bounds, I was going to be a mother soon. Fred on the other hand couldn't contain his joy, I could remember vividly how he lifted me up with joy and how we playfully fought over the sex of the baby. And Kay? She already had endless plans for her godchild. It was one of the happiest moment of my life.

I don't know what went wrong but Fred and I drifted apart. This minute, we are best of friends and the next minute we are on each other's neck. The atmosphere became so toxic that I gradually became a shadow of myself.

Everything went from bad to worse in the blink of an eye and before you knew it, I lost 2 pregnancies in one year. Fred went from being a sweetheart to being a hardcore abuser and a woman beater.

He would hurt me with words, leave me with a black eye and bruises all over my body and apologize the next minute. He said I was stubborn and rebellious and at some point, I believed everything he said about me.

Just maybe if I had bridled my tongue, he wouldn't have had any reason to hit me. If I had been a good wife, we wouldn't be having problems all the time so I did my best to be the perfect wife but the abuse didn't stop still.

Countless times, Kambili tried everything she could to take me far away from him but I vehemently refused. Marriage is for better for worse, I made a vow and I'm never going back on my words.

Two years into my marriage, I severed ties with Kambili. Yes I ditched my best friend. Fred had shown me a text message where my Kay was hitting on my man. I went berserk with anger. I picked up my phone and placed a call across to Kay. She swore with everything she hold dear to her but I was hurt, I was mad, I've heard how people betray their friends but I never imagined it could be me and Kay.

Kay maintained she was innocent but I was soaked in so much anger and hurt to give a fuck about what she had to say.

I ended the call, erased her number from my phone, blocked her on all social media platforms, deleted every picture of her I had in my gallery. I've never felt so hurt all my life.

With Kambili out of my life, it became a living hell. I became a loner, no family, no friends. Fred was the only family I had left. No pregnancy was forthcoming after my last miscarriage 2 years ago.

As the day went by, our relationship became more toxic. Fred trampled on my self esteem without mercy, he made me believe I was a bad person and that's why bad things has been happening to me.

Then one day, he left!

I just woke up one morning and he was gone! Just like that! No explanations, no goodbye, he simply left.

Two days later, while I soaked myself in bitter painful tears, I got a message from a private number. It was Fred.

He said he was sorry if he caused me pains but he had to leave. He said two things that broke me completely and till date, I'm yet to understand how I was able to pull through. It was a miracle.

Fred revealed that I lost my womb when I had my last miscarriage and that the doctor told him I won't be able to have any more kids.

I was still trying to soak in this life shattering revelation when he said Kambili never made advances at him, the whole message thing was photoshopped. Kambili never liked him and was a huge pin in his ass so he had to get rid of her.

He said Kambili had once sent boys to beat him up when I lost my second pregnancy. She coincidentally came visiting that same day and she met me unconscious and bleeding. She was by my bedside throughout the 4 days I spent in coma and when she heard I lost my womb, she lost it.

The next day, Fred got waylaid by some boys and was beaten to stupor. All these happened while I was in coma and I had no idea.

So Fred decided to get Kambili out of the way. Seeing how I loved him limitlessly and would gladly put him above anyone else, he used it to his advantage and it worked. I fell foolishly for his wicked pranks and severed ties with my soul sister.

Oh my Kay. How do I make things right? Will you still be able to forgive me? How could I have been so blind all these years?

The following day, someone came visiting and the moment I set my eyes on her, I broke down and wept.

“I got a message from Fred. I just knew I had to be here the next minute because I won't forgive myself if I lose you”

Kay finally said after we were done crying our eyes out.

“I'm sorry Kay . I'm really sorry” was all I could mutter.

She hugged me so tight with a sad smile on her lips. She stood up abruptly, went into my room and packed some of my clothes into my bags.

“We're leaving here first thing tomorrow morning. This isn't open for debate Bee, you're coming with me to Abuja”

It's been 8 amazing months here in the capital city of Abuja. My healing process wasn't an easy one but Kay is indeed a friend. She gave me back my life in my palms. I now have a new job with one of the best banks in Nigeria and a better pay of course.

On this fateful day, I was going through some files at the office when I got a WhatsApp message from Kambili. She shared a post to me from one of the popular blogs on Instagram.

A man has been arraigned in court for killing his 4 months pregnant wife. According to reports, they had a fight and he roughly pushed her away, she missed a step, fell and hit her head on the staircase. All effort to resuscitate her proved abortive, she died before they got to the hospital.

That man was my ex, Fred. He had gotten married to another woman just few months after he left me.

I followed up on thee case judiciously and I promised to be there on the D-Day when his final verdict would be passed and I did.

Twenty years imprisonment with hard labour! Justice at last! Now I can finally find closure and total healing from the hell that monster put me through.

I just feel sad, that it took a life for justice to prevail.